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Is online dating similar to arranged marriage

Online Dating Is the Modern Version of Arranged Marriages | Opinion,Breadcrumb Trail Links

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Patel was holding his cards close to the vest. Nevertheless, our minute chat stretched to an hour, and we ended up talking about spark, and why Internet dating may have everything in common with arranged marriage. The interview has been edited for clarity and length.

Q: Why do we cling to this model that we should look at someone, feel a spark and date them for two years? So either you figure out a new dream, or you figure out a new way to approach the dream. So, here I was, almost And if you asked me, in the few times I stopped to think about the future, it was a picture of an Indian woman, little Indian kids — and by the time I was 30, I had all that.

I genuinely love our culture. I love being Indian. I love being American, too. Love culture, love the rituals that come with culture. I think my concept of where a spark comes from has changed. Q: Your dad chose the 12th woman, he saw, right? A: He was in India for three weeks before he met Mom.

The emotional reaction to this thing, if you grew up in this country, even if you grew up with parents like ours, is: This is wayyy outside of my wheelhouse. A: There is a shame. A great reason I was single before all this is I was not putting myself out there, not in the right way, and I had not gone through the kind of introspective period to pursue a person, and to develop a work ethic about finding a person. Which is a thing. Q: Your parents had a classic arranged marriage.

What have you learned from seeing their marriage? And you know what? The things that mattered to them, to me, were often correlations to the idea of compatibility : Height, skin color, horoscope, even what village we descend from. My parents just want someone who will be their daughter. A: No. This concept of being set up by my parents with Indian girls is weird only because I was expecting it to be like the movies.

My parents, they were excited about meeting for 10 minutes, doing an interview. They were conditioned to expect that. For everyone, the question is: Would you rather be alone, or would you rather be with someone? The collection includes earrings, rings, bracelets and necklaces, each featuring a dazzling lab-created diamond and set in either recycled sterling silver or karat recycled white or yellow gold. From colourful creations to keepsake chronographs, there's a watch style that meets almost every preference and preferred price point.

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Perhaps this explains why people in arranged marriages tend to get divorced less frequently. Data comparing divorce rates within countries for arranged and love marriage are hard to come by.

But in the U. In India, the divorce rate for all marriages is about 1 percent and it's higher for love marriages than arranged ones there. To be sure, divorce is often frowned upon in nations and cultures where arranged marriages are common—making that metric a potentially unreliable way to assess marital bliss or the lack thereof.

In addition, the U. As a result of India's rising incomes , higher education levels and technological advances that ease communications, arranged marriage is changing there and among people of Indian heritage who live elsewhere. Young people who tie the knot that way have more power to choose their spouses and can even initiate the process instead of their parents. In addition, the prevalence of matrimonial websites such as Shaadi which means marriage in Hindi and Jeevansathi life partner in Hindi empower young Indians who reside in India or North America to become more self-reliant.

The internet, higher education levels, and cultural and economic globalization are also making single Indians freer to do their own searching for future spouses than their parents were. And some traditions that limit choices for single people, such as parents placing newspaper ads to announce eligibility and interest, are becoming less common. Finally, when Indians reach a marriageable age—usually between 18 and 30 years old for women and between 22 and 40 for men—the ways these aspiring brides and grooms interact are beginning to resemble contemporary dating in the U.

That's a big change from the rituals of the past, which typically involved a supervised meeting between the prospective bride and the groom and several meetings between their families. Arranged marriage is stigmatized in the U. But, in my opinion, things are changing here for a reason. Online dating and matrimonial sites , such as eHarmony, OkCupid and The Right Stuff are proliferating and becoming more accepted. While these sites and apps don't use the word "arranged" in their branding, it's hard to deny that they do "arrange" for people to meet.

In addition, the explicit criteria — online profiles, personality tests, questionnaires—that they use to match individuals resemble the implicit criteria parents and friends use to identify prospective spouses for arranged marriages.

An important difference is that third parties—dating websites and other matchmaking services or their staff—handle the "arranging" activities. EHarmony, for example, pre-screens candidates based on personality tests.

OkCupid uses questionnaires to match people. com uses algorithms to match people, and The Right Stuff pairs people by profile. Psychologist John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago recently did a study with several colleagues about internet dating and modern matrimony.

They found that more than one-third of all American couples who got married between and met online.

Our emails are made to shine in your inbox, with something fresh every morning, afternoon, and weekend. Most Americans who get married today believe they are choosing their own partners after falling in love with them.

Arranged marriages, which remain common in some parts of the world, are a rarity here. Couples who ostensibly marry after spontaneously falling in love increasingly do that with some help from online dating services or after meeting through hookup apps.

And modern arranged marriages—including my own—are becoming more like love marriages. According to some estimates, more than half of the marriages taking place around the world each year are arranged. The practice also remains relatively common elsewhere in South Asia, parts of Africa, the Middle East, and East Asian countries like Japan and China. I believe that most people in communities where arranged marriages predominate still feel that parents and other close relatives are qualified to select marriage partners.

Some young Indians consider their parents as more objective than they are about this big decision and more adept at spotting compatibility.

In addition, arranged marriages help couples uphold cultural and religious traditions that have stood the test of time. Perhaps this explains why people in arranged marriages tend to get divorced less frequently. Data comparing divorce rates within countries for arranged and love marriages are hard to come by.

To be sure, divorce is often frowned upon in nations and cultures where arranged marriages are common—making that metric a potentially unreliable way to assess marital bliss or the lack thereof.

Young people who tie the knot that way have more power to choose their spouses and can even initiate the process instead of their parents.

In addition, the prevalence of matrimonial websites such as Shaadi which means marriage in Hindi and Jeevansathi life partner in Hindi empower young Indians who reside in India or North America to become more self-reliant.

The internet, higher education levels, and cultural and economic globalisation are also making single Indians freer to do their own searching for future spouses than their parents were. And some traditions that limit choices for single people, such as parents placing newspaper ads to announce eligibility and interest, are becoming less common. Finally, when Indians reach a marriageable age—usually between 18 and 30 years old for women and between 22 and 40 for men—the ways these aspiring brides and grooms interact are beginning to resemble contemporary dating in the US.

Arranged marriage is stigmatized in the US, where parents are largely deemed ill-suited for the task of finding marriage partners for their children. But, in my opinion, things are changing here for a reason. Online dating and matrimonial sites , such as eHarmony, OkCupid, and The Right Stuff are proliferating and becoming more accepted.

In addition, the explicit criteria—online profiles, personality tests, questionnaires—that they use to match individuals resemble the implicit criteria parents and friends use to identify prospective spouses for arranged marriages. EHarmony, for example, pre-screens candidates based on personality tests. OkCupid uses questionnaires to match people. com uses algorithms to match people, and The Right Stuff pairs people by profile.

Psychologist John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago recently did a study with several colleagues about internet dating and modern matrimony.

They found that more than one-third of all American couples who got married between and met online. In my view, all parents seeking to arrange a marriage for their sons and daughters do so with the best of intentions.

My own parents certainly did, 23 years ago, when I got married. And whether parents or computer algorithms make this connection, the ultimate goal is the same: to ensure a happy and long-lasting union.

Amitrajeet A. Batabyal , Arthur J. Gosnell professor of economics, Rochester Institute of Technology. This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original article. We welcome your comments at ideas. india qz. By providing your email, you agree to the Quartz Privacy Policy. Skip to navigation Skip to content. Discover Membership.

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And whether parents or computer algorithms make this connection, the ultimate goal is the same: to ensure a happy and long-lasting union. Batabyal , Arthur J. india qz. As a result of India's rising incomes , higher education levels and technological advances that ease communications, arranged marriage is changing there and among people of Indian heritage who live elsewhere. That's a big change from the rituals of the past, which typically involved a supervised meeting between the prospective bride and the groom and several meetings between their families.

The interview has been edited for clarity and length. I believe that most people in communities where arranged marriages predominate still feel that parents and other close relatives are qualified to select marriage partners. Amitrajeet A. Advertisement 1. My parents, they were excited about meeting for 10 minutes, doing an interview. com uses algorithms to match people, and The Right Stuff pairs people by profile.

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